During his imprisonment in several different German concentration camps in the 1940s, Dietrich Bonhoeffer completely lost contact with the outside world. Because he was transferred so often during his imprisonment, he could not even maintain contact with the other Christians he met while imprisoned. He declared that he had lost the most precious thing he possessed – fellowship. Christian fellowship and friendship were so precious and vital to his life that in the years before his imprisonment and eventual execution, he wrote a book called Life Together. In it he said, “The physical presence of other Christians is a source of incomparable joy and strength to the believer, a physical sign of the gracious presence of the triune God. How inexhaustible are the riches that open up for those who by God’s will are privileged to live in the daily fellowship of life with other Christians.” He wrote, “Let him who has such a privilege thank God on his knees and declare it is grace, nothing but grace, that we are allowed to live in fellowship with Christians.”
Many of us may not hold as strongly to the same conviction that he had. In a digitally and technologically advanced age, we think we have everything we need inside the safety and comfort of our homes. As a result, we isolate more, we don’t seek community and we become loners. We may think we have more friends than ever before (just look at our social media friend counts), but in reality we have become increasingly isolated. The Bible warns of the danger of isolation, the danger of having no friends. When it comes to friendship mathematics, Scripture clearly states that two are better than one. One friend is better than none. But why?
No Friends Means There Is No One to Encourage You
If we are honest, we all need a helping hand from time to time. We fall down, we mess up, we make mistakes, we are still living in a fallen world with the flesh so ever present in each of us. As a result, the worst thing we can do is disengage from others who can relate to our struggles. Solomon makes us think of both sides of the coin when it comes to isolating ourselves away. If we have even just one faithful friend, one caring companion, when we fall down, we have someone there to hold out the hand and lift us up. The help can be manifested in a number of ways, from physical and financial help to the lending of a spiritual hand to pick us up if we have fallen away from what God desires for us in our lives. “Two are better than one … for if they fall, one will lift up his companion” (Ecc 4:9-10).1 But Scripture goes further; it not only pronounces the blessing and benefit of friendships, but also the danger of being found without them. If we have isolated ourselves, if we haven’t sought out meaningful and deep (think “not digital”) friendships, who will help us when we fall down? “But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up” (v10). No friends means no help to be found when we fall, no hand extended out to us. Woe to that person, Solomon says. There is nothing but further hurt and despair. The cry of a man who needed a helping hand for 38 years was this, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up” (Joh 5:7). The paralyzed man would have given anything for a helping hand, but yet none could be found. Having no friends means having no one to pick you up when you are down.
No Friends Means There Is No One to Ignite You
How often in the Christian walk can a believer become cold or, worse yet, lukewarm? Just like the Laodiceans, we think we have need of nothing and become complacent, ritualistic and religious in our Christian lives. If we isolate ourselves, if we don’t develop any meaningful friendships, where and by whom will we be challenged to have some genuine fire for the Lord? Just as bodily warmth is essential for survival in times of hypothermia, so too is spiritual warmth necessary from others when our fire is dwindling down to a few embers. “Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone?” (Ecc 4:11). If we are always alone, relying on a digital thumbs up from time to time as our only source of friendship and connection, how can we ever become pushed through lukewarmness towards the things of the Lord? How will our fire burn brighter if we aren’t catching spiritual sparks from others? “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Pro 27:17). Having no friends means there will be no one there to warm us up spiritually when things grow cold.
No Friends Means There Is No One to Stand Beside You
One who prefers isolation may say, “All I need is the Lord!” And while there is truth to that statement, it was the only wise God who looked over His creation and said, “It is not good that man should be alone” (Gen 2:18). Two are better than one. Even though he had the Lord with him, Moses needed Aaron to help hold up his arms when he got tired. David grew faint and needed Abisai to help slay another giant. “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him” (Ecc 4:12). Many times we need someone to stand beside us to overcome the enemy. Accountability, correction and counsel are needed in our lives as the devil looks to overpower and devour us. If we are alone, if we isolate, if we only rely on digital friendships, we may be overpowered. But if we face the struggle together with another, with a faithful friend, we can withstand. A single strand may break, but the threefold cord is that much stronger. No friends means there is no one to stand shoulder to shoulder with us to face the enemy. May we take heed to the warnings of Scripture with regards to the dangers of isolating ourselves. We can find strength in our lives and escape the dangers of isolation by having even just one or two strong, dependable friendships in our life.
1 Bible quotations in this article are from the NKJV.
