Some people love a fixer upper project. Maybe it’s just the front fence, a cupboard off its hinges, or the one board on the deck that everyone is always in danger of falling through. Oftentimes, we leave those projects pending, untouched, on the to-do list. We think, It’s just a little hole, just a little bit of paint, or just a few nails and a couple of screws. While it can be true that putting off these small projects won’t cause any real long-lasting damage to anyone, sometimes that mindset can dangerously carry over into other aspects of life. How many relationships in our lives have been damaged because of an unmended fence? The peeling paint of a neglected friendship can lead to further damage if left untouched. Many relationship problems can be traced back to this same starting point: a lack of acknowledgement and lack of confession of the harm caused.
The Word of God clearly demonstrates the importance of confession with regards to our relationship with God. The closeness we have with our heavenly Father is greatly affected if we walk around each day with unconfessed sin. The tremendous breadth of God’s goodness is displayed in His desire for reconciliation. He wants the wayward son to confess that sin and leave it behind. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1Jn 1:9).1 This confession to God is to be a daily thing in our lives.
However, when we come to the need to confess our sins to one another, oftentimes it gets set on the back burner, on the “to-do” list along with fixing the back porch or pulling out the weeds. Scripture is clear about the necessity of confessing our sins, not only to God but also to one another.
Confession to Those Whom We Have Wronged
The quickest – and biblical – path to restoring a fractured relationship between believers is for the wrong to be confronted between the two affected parties and for acknowledgement (confession) to take place. The Lord Jesus taught that “if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother” (Mat 18:15). The quickest path to resolution is for the individual who committed the offense to hear the offense brought to them. There is a willingness implied in the hearing, which suggests that acknowledgement and confession take place. The offender understands they have caused harm and is willing to confess that to the one they have offended.
Oftentimes, we can offend a brother or a sister unknowingly, and confession doesn’t take place because we do not know the distress and hurt we have caused. This same passage encourages the one who has been offended to approach the offender to let them know what has taken place. The worst thing we can do after being offended by a fellow believer is to allow a deep root of bitterness to take hold in our hearts. The book of Hebrews speaks of the danger of allowing this to occur, encouraging us to watch out “lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled” (Heb 12:15). How many friendships have ended, how many marriages have broken down, and how many churches have become divided over a lack of confession?
If we are not willing to acknowledge (confess) the wrongdoing, then the teaching of the Lord Jesus advances the severity and seriousness of the situation in the next steps. “But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector” (Mat 18:16-17). If there is a refusal by the offender to confess, even after being approached by multiple witnesses and finally the church as a whole, the resulting action is much more severe. The wrong can be righted if we would just be willing to obey what Scripture so clearly teaches. Confession towards those we have wronged is necessary. “Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do” (Col 3:13).
Confession to Those Whom We Trust
There is a further benefit of confession to one another, which the book of James lays out. “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much” (Jas 5:16). While the context of the passage seems to refer more to physical healing due to a sickness that was brought on by sin, there is a very evident application as well that our spiritual wellbeing is affected by sin in our lives. First and foremost, sin must be confessed to God, but there is further benefit shown in confiding in a trusted believer or a small group of believers to let them know of a sin that is tempting us, something with which we are struggling. The reason to confess this to another believer is not so that they become privy to all the details of your struggles in order to share them with others, but rather that they may pray. If a believer confesses a sin to us, our primary response should be to lift up that believer in prayer to the Lord. May our prayers be fervent for one another, that we may each experience spiritual recovery after having sinned.
1 Bible quotations in this article are from the NKJV.
