On occasion, I would go with a friend for a Lord’s Day to a small assembly not too far from where we lived. During one of our visits, a dear senior sister asked if I would make her a little text to hang in their gospel hall. The verse she requested was “Great peace have they who love thy law” (Psa 119:165).1 While she did not divulge any names or details, apparently there was a believer in the fellowship who had some personal issues with others and was causing considerable unrest. When nothing seemed to work to alleviate the situation, it was this sister’s quiet and gentle exercise to try and help promote peace by displaying this verse.
While there are certainly some differences between “making peace” on an intra-assembly level and on an interpersonal level, they are both unsettling and usually intertwined. Thankfully, Scripture has clear guidance as to how we should respond in a way that can help address the complexities of each person or situation itself, and also instruct in how to do so in a way that will honor the Lord and promote our spiritual growth in the process. In the following four passages, we will be focusing on the more basic interpersonal aspect.
PROVERBS 20:22 – A “Don’t” and a “Do”
There are usually some basic “dos” and “don’ts” for handling any type of problem in life. In navigating a personal affront, Proverbs gives us a divine “don’t” and a divine “do” that serve as a basis for dealing with the nuances of conflict in a God-honoring way. The negative injunction comes first: “Say not thou,” that is, do not pronounce (let alone plot) an avenging threat against a person or brother who has offended. This prohibition does not mean a believer is to smolder in silence, but it is coupled with a positive exhortation, a “do” that is essential. “Wait on the Lord” directs an aggrieved believer to intentionally commit the person and the situation to the Lord for Him to handle in His own time and way. In Scripture, “waiting on the Lord” is not idleness or, in the case of an offense, just trying to forget what happened; instead, it means to confidently entrust the matter to the Lord and constructively move ahead in the character of Christ and in the counsel of His Word.
LUKE 6:27-28 – An Acronym for Action
In His classic sermon on the display of true kingdom righteousness in a believer’s life, the Lord Jesus expands on the two foundational principles from the verse in Proverbs and gives four specific “actions” to those in a crucible of conflict. In each one, He juxtaposes a positive “action” of the believer against a contrasting description and/or action of an antagonist. In this context, it seems the Lord has in mind hostile persecution from unbelievers.
L – “Love your enemies.” Upon a personal offense, how quickly the self-preserving, self-justifying and even retaliatory instinct surges. Yet, in considering the Lord’s command, it is the believer’s responsibility to direct his heart into the right attitude and to engage his hands in the right actions toward his enemies in response. This proactive choice to love by word and deed will likely precede any sense of love, but, by God’s grace, that can follow in due time.
D – “Do good to them who hate you.” This exhortation, while naturally daunting and difficult, by divine enabling is possible for every believer to fulfil. We are to take, if not make, opportunities to “do good” by helping, encouraging and showing kindness in word and deed to those with an active animosity towards us.
B – “Bless them that curse you.” Who would deny the emotional sting and lingering hurt that unkind or untrue words can bring? How much more when it comes in the form of a curse – an unwarranted invocation of God’s judgment. Even then, the believer is to respond with the very opposite, a blessing that instead invokes God’s favor and is expressed in words of truth, kindness and encouragement.
P – “Pray for them which despitefully use you.” We stand in awe of the amazing examples of the Lord Jesus and later Stephen in praying for their executioners. While most will not face such extreme situations, yet every believer, in whatever level of persecution, is exhorted to pray for God’s mercy upon his adversary and for the spiritual blessing and recovery of those who mistreat him.
ROMANS 12:14-21 – Benevolent Care Becomes Burning Coals
In addressing the same issue as Solomon in Proverbs and the Lord Jesus in Luke, Paul, now in Romans, seems to focus on the humility of heart and the heavenly perspective of the believer that are vital to be at peace with others. In the case of active persecution, to not be overcome will require giving place to God’s righteous wrath and displaying personal care to the offender. The powerful effect is described in a vivid metaphor from Proverbs 25:22, “for thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head.” While this result may at first appear to suggest some retaliatory satisfaction, there is a greater, more productive purpose in view. These “coals of fire “are not Sodom and Gomorrah-like coals of divine judgment, but instead are the burning pangs of divine conviction on a guilty conscience from the believer’s benevolent response to a bitter provocation. This, in God’s purpose, can be the first step in leading an offender to a place of spiritual repentance, recovery and blessing.
1 PETER 3:9 – God’s Intention and Your Inheritance
Finally, by inspiration, Peter adds his insight into peacemaking and peacekeeping by emphasizing the believer’s personal obligation to respond in grace to a fellow believer with whom there is contention, and the prospective outcome that can follow. Peter, who had his share of difficulties with others, reminds us that it is, in fact, part of God’s calling to allow and use interpersonal conflicts to develop the character of His Son in His people. He assures that, as difficult as they can be, conflicts, when surrendered to God’s will and surrounded by God’s Word, will result in an increased spiritual maturity in life and an increased spiritual inheritance in heaven.
1 Bible quotations in this article are from the KJV.
