Sin fractures relationships. Our iniquities separate us not only from God but from each other. The death of God’s Son, however, not only enabled him vertically to reconcile rebellious people to himself (Rom 5:10; Col 1:21-22), but also horizontally to reconcile warring people with each other (Eph 2:4-22). Christ died and rose again, bringing peace with God and also with our neighbor.
Reconciliation is one of the most powerful themes in Scripture. To reconcile means to change a relationship from enmity to friendship. Peace displaces conflict and fellowship supersedes alienation. “Blessed are the peacemakers” (Mat 5:9), said the Lord Jesus, who Himself made “peace by the blood of his cross” (Col 1:20). Through the power of that cross, God wants to reproduce His own goodwill and generosity in the hearts of His people as they too restore broken relationships and heal past wrongs.
Two striking biblical examples of reconciliation are found in the Old Testament story of Joseph and his brothers and in the New Testament account of Philemon and his slave Onesimus. Both narratives show that despite past betrayal and injustice, God’s grace enables repentance, forgiveness and the restoration of fellowship.
Joseph and His Brothers: Reconciliation Through Providence and Forgiveness
Joseph’s story vividly demonstrates how a spiritual man achieved true and lasting reconciliation with his brothers. Joseph, the favored son of Jacob, was hated by his brothers, who sold him into slavery out of jealousy. In Egypt, Joseph endured years of further injustice and hardship. Yet, through God’s providence, he rose to become the most powerful man in the land, second only to the pharaoh.
The turning point in this story of reconciliation comes many years later when a providential famine forces Joseph’s brothers to come to Egypt to buy grain. Joseph, who is in charge of the granaries, immediately recognizes them. He longs to be reconciled to them rather than punish them. But he chooses not to reveal himself until he discovers whether they have changed. Joseph understands that true peace must be based on righteousness – always (Luk 17:3-4; Isa 32:17). Without their repentance, he cannot justly forgive them, and without forgiveness, reconciliation cannot occur.
Joseph’s strategy teaches us vital principles for peace-making today. Most critically, Joseph himself was conscious of God and trusted God. Consider how the following phrases show Joseph’s closeness to God: “How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (Gen 39:9).1 “Do not interpretations belong to God?” (40:8). “It is not in me; God will give Pharaoh a favorable answer” (41:16). “Do this and you will live, for I fear God” (42:18). “They are my sons, whom God has given me here” (48:9). “God will surely visit you, and you shall carry up my bones from here” (50:25).
Joseph saw God in everything. Since the time his brothers sold him to Midianite traders, he realized that God was allowing him to experience injustice and undergo suffering for a purpose. Reflecting on this later, he told his brothers, “God sent me before you to preserve life” (45:5). This perspective is essential to notice, because God has a larger purpose in the wrongs and trials of our lives as well. Like Joseph, we need to interpret the hard things that God allows from His sovereign standpoint, rely on His wisdom and goodness, and trust in His plan. Instead of focusing on his brothers’ betrayal, he focused on God who allowed it: “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today” (50:20).
Like God, Joseph chose mercy over vengeance. He did not gloss over the wrongs his brothers had done to him, but neither did he allow those injustices to dominate him or define him. When he later named his first son Manasseh (“forget”), he showed that he had been willing to forgive his brothers, and by naming his second son Ephraim (“double prosperity”), he revealed his lifelong choice to focus on God’s goodness (41:51-52). While full-circle forgiveness would require their repentance, half-circle forgiveness – a forgiving attitude – was in Joseph’s heart all along. Joseph decided to test his brothers’ sincerity and willingness to repent. He generously gave them lavish supplies and secretly returned their money. But he locked up the second oldest, Simeon until they returned with Benjamin. Joseph was overcome with emotion as he listened to his brothers admit their pitiless treatment of him to each other in Hebrew (42:21-23). Joseph tested them again when they returned with his full brother. He planted a silver cup in Benjamin’s luggage, then arrested him and vowed to enslave him. Would the brothers abandon Benjamin as they had abandoned him 22 years earlier?
When Joseph saw that they would not abandon Benjamin and heard Judah volunteer to be enslaved in his place (44:33-34), Joseph broke down (45:1-2). His brothers had owned their guilt – they had repented! He could not hide his identity any longer. He cried in Hebrew, “I am Joseph! Is my father still alive?” Now he could offer his beloved brothers full-circle forgiveness and begin the process of reconciliation. The result was true shalom (peace).
A spiritual person like Joseph will not stop until full reconciliation is achieved. Joseph was close to God, trusted in God’s plan, and kept no record of wrongs (1Co 13:5). He longed to forgive, but first prompted his brothers to name their sin and own their guilt. When he saw that their character had changed, he lavished them with his love and forgiveness. To be peacemakers like Joseph, we too must first assess our closeness to the Lord and the sincerity of our hearts. Motivated by love, we then pursue character change in others by kindly showing how their sins have broken friendships, remaining patient when they resist or fail, and trusting God to change them.
Philemon and Onesimus: Reconciliation Through the Gospel and Christian Brotherhood
Paul’s letter to Philemon offers another example of reconciliation, this time managed by a spiritual third party. Onesimus, a runaway slave, had wronged his master Philemon first by theft and then by desertion. After fleeing to Rome, Onesimus somehow encountered Paul, who led him to faith in Christ (Phm 10). Onesimus had been serving Paul faithfully in prison. And though Paul wanted to keep him around, he knew that the converted Onesimus must now return to Philemon and be reconciled to his master.
Interceding as Christ would, Paul in this letter asks Philemon to receive Onesimus back, not merely as a repentant slave but as a beloved Christian brother. Rather than demanding the favor, Paul writes a persuasive appeal grounded in the gospel. To make the appeal more personal, Paul pens the letter himself (v19). The apostle’s writing is warm, tactful and even lighthearted – Onesimus means “useful” and Paul writes that the useless one is now “useful to you and to me” (v11). He is not only Onesimus by name but now Onesimus by nature.
The breach between Philemon and Onesimus, however, was serious and required a Christian answer. Paul begins by thanking God for Philemon’s faith in Christ and love for all the saints (v5). “All” the saints included Onesimus: Philemon is about to have a special opportunity to manifest the reality of his faith by showing love to his estranged slave. Philemon was known for refreshing the believers in his home, and Paul will now ask this generous man to be still more generous. Calling himself an old man in prison, Paul simply asks Philemon to respond, not “for my sake” but “for love’s sake.” Reconciliation begins with Christian love.
Paul then writes, “I appeal to you, concerning a son of mine, whom I have begotten while in my chains – Onesimus” (v10).2 Paul has delayed naming Onesimus until now – and not till the end of this verse. By the time he encountered the name of his runaway slave, Philemon was completely disarmed. Paul stresses that Onesimus was now a brother to Paul and to Philemon. They now had Christ in common. And the slave’s conversion meant a new nature with a new work ethic. So the apostle is not asking Philemon to take back a heathen slave, but to receive Onesimus “as a beloved brother” (v16).
Serving as a mediator in the dispute, Paul mirrors God’s own work of reconciling sinners to himself through Christ. Returning to the key word “participation” (koinonia) in his opening prayer (v6), the apostle says, “If you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me” (v17). Philemon, Paul and Onesimus together had family fellowship as children of God; if Philemon would receive brother Paul, he should as eagerly receive brother Onesimus. Similarly, believers in the Lord Jesus are “favored in the Beloved” (Eph 1:6 JND) and “found in him” with the righteousness that comes from their union with the Savior by faith (Php 3:9).
Now that Onesimus had repented and changed, Philemon could forgive him. But full reconciliation stalled on the reparation of the slave’s debt to his master. Although Philemon might agree to suffer the loss
himself, Paul preempts this choice by agreeing to pay the debt himself: “If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account” (Phm 18). Although the apostle does not mention the cross in this letter, he demonstrates the meaning of Calvary through his actions – Paul was the means by which Onesimus and Philemon were reconciled to God as now also to each other. So “in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them” (2Co 5:19). Our Lord absorbed the consequences of our wrongdoing and paid our debt in full (Joh 19:30).
Conclusion
Both of these journeys from betrayal to forgiveness are theological windows into God’s heart. Both narratives illustrate that reconciliation requires repentance and forgiveness. Joseph grounded his forgiveness in his personal acceptance of God’s sovereign purpose. Once his brothers owned their guilt and showed that they had changed, his forgiveness brought, not a guarded truce, but permanent peace. Paul based his appeal to Philemon on the power of the gospel that had changed both Onesimus and Philemon. The result was not appeasement but full reconciliation.
1 Bible quotations in this article are from the ESV unless otherwise noted.
2 My translation
